Iddle I Po

I would be more interested in watching the Transformers movies if they had a sequence where the Transformers sing the Goons’ “Ying Tong Song”.  I’m not sure how that would work in a plot, but I don’t think people watch Michael Bay’s movies for plot or acting so much as explosions.

By the way, I’ve been keeping a Tumblr full of embarrassing old screengrabs of actors in their younger roles, Before The Breakout.  So far, I’ve got Jane Lynch as a teacher, David Caruso as an Irish-American gang leader, Joel McHale with longish (and more receding) hair, a few of the ladies of Mad Men…

My want list

If anyone has the following, please e-mail me DIRECTLY at bjdwsmATgmailDOTcom.

In particular, I am looking for:

-Bill Murray / Spinners (12/12/81): The live broadcast was interrupted by a news bulletin about martial law being declared in Poland, and the goodnights have a somber Bill Murray erroneously mentioninf that “the Soviets invaded Poland”. Robin Duke and Christine Ebersole are visibly crying. The rerun cuts most of the goodnights except for Bill saying that “our hearts are with the good people of Poland”.

-Robert Blake / Kenny Loggins (11/13/82): this is my most wanted episode because the rerun version is brutally edited. The entire “Best Little Whorehouse on The Prairie” sketch was removed from the rerun, as was Dick Ebersol saying Andy Kaufman was no longer funny enough to be on SNL. There’s also a visible edit after the “Jawgasms” line in the Dr. Jack Badofsky bit on Saturday Night News.  I have also found out there may be another segment missing but I am not entirely sure what.

-The Smothers Brothers / Big Country (12/03/83): the rerun cuts out the “Know Your Neighbor” sketch where Jim Belushi laughs when Julia Louis-Dreyfus explains Hanukkah traditions, as well as a musical interlude by the Smothers Brothers called “Fantasy For Auto Horn & Electronic Pulse in D Minor”.

-Flip Wilson / Stevie Nicks (12/10/83): the rerun edits out half of Flip’s monologue where he tells a Polish joke, and also removes a commercial parody with Mary Tyler Moore (Mary Gross) for “Older Sisters Of The Young”

-Don Rickles / Billy Idol (01/28/84): the rerun removes a 10-to-1 segment with David Letterman (Joe Piscopo) and Pee-Wee Herman (Mary Gross) advertising the David Letterman 2nd Anniversary Show in the SNL timeslot the next week.

-Billy Crystal, Betty Thomas, Mayor Ed Koch, Edwin Newman, Father Guido Sarducci / The Cars (05/12/84): I have an original air version of this one but there are segments paused out, including a sketch about Godzilla attacking a sushi restaurant that got cut from the rerun (only the last minute remains in my recording).

-Tom Hanks / Sade (12/14/85): The rerun version is missing a sketch with Nora Dunn and Joan Cusack as mothers taking a break from Christmas shopping.

-Tony Danza / Laurie Anderson (04/19/86): rerun is missing an AT&T commercial parody where Cliff Robertson (Randy Quaid) destroys his phone.

Even if you don’t have these episodes, I’m interested in original live airings of the following episodes as a “second-tier” want list. The 1985-86 SNLs are of interest because of the amount of alterations done in post-production for the reruns (canned laughter, dress rehearsal substitutions):
-Chevy Chase / Queen (09/25/1982)
-Howard Hesseman / Men At Work (10/23/82)
-Eddie Murphy / Lionel Richie (12/11/82)
-Bruce Dern / Leon Redbone (03/12/83)
-Susan Saint James / Michael McDonald (04/16/83)
-Brandon Tartikoff / John Cougar (10/08/83)
-Father Guido Sarducci / Huey Lewis & The News (01/14/84)
-Michael Palin & his mother / The Motels (01/21/84)
-Edwin Newman / Kool & The Gang (02/25/83)
-Chevy Chase / Sheila E. (11/16/85)
-John Lithgow / Mr. Mister (12/07/85)
-Ron Reagan / The Nelsons (02/08/86)
-Jerry Hall / Stevie Ray Vaughn (02/15/86)
-George Wendt & Francis Ford Coppola / Philip Glass (03/22/86)
-Paul Simon & Catherine Oxenberg / Ladysmith Black Mambazo (05/10/86)
-Jimmy Breslin / Level 42, E.G. Daily (05/17/86)
-Anjelica Huston & Billy Martin / George Clinton & The Parliament Funkadelic
(05/24/86)

Third tier:
-Original live broadcasts frpm 1980-81 except for Elliott Gould, Karen Black, Charlene Tilton or Chevy Chase
-Original live broadcasts from 1981-82 except for those listed above, Rod Stewart, John Madden, James Coburn, Bruce Dern, Robert Urich, Daniel J. Travanti
or Danny DeVito.
-Original live broadcasts from 1982-83 not listed above except for Louis Gossett Jr., Drew Barrymore, Sid Caesar, Howard Hesseman / Tom Petty or Joan Rivers.
-Original live broadcasts from 1983-84 not listed above except for Jerry Lewis, Robin Williams, or George McGovern.
-Original live broadcasts of the Pamela Sue Martin, Mr. T & Hulk Hogan, and Howard Cosell shows from 1984-85.
-Original live broadcasts from 1985-86 not listed above except for Madonna and Dudley Moore.
-Original live broadcasts of the Sam Kinison, Robin Williams, Steve Guttenberg, William Shatner, Joe Montana/Walter Payton and Paul Shaffer shows from 1986-87.
-Original live broadcasts from 1987-88 except for the Steve Martin, Sean Penn, Dabney Coleman and Robert Mitchum shows.
-Original live broadcasts of the Dolly Parton, Wayne Gretzky and Steve Martin shows of 1988-89.
-Original live broadcasts of the Kathleen Turner, Debra Winger, and Candice Bergen shows from 1989-90.

I’m also interested in vintage NBC Letterman episodes or complete w/o/c episodes of Fridays.

I am also looking for the following St. Elsewhere episodes:
2-22: Hello, Goodbye
3-13: Dr. Wyler, I Presume
3-14: Whistle, Wyler Works
3-15: Bye, George
3-16: Saving Face
3-17: Give The Boy A Hand
3-18: Any Portrait In A Storm
3-19: Red, White, Black and Blue
3-20: Amazing Face
3-21: Murder, She Rote
3-22: Tears of a Clown
3-23: Bang The Eardrum Slowly
3-24: Cheers
4-5: Slice O’ Life
4-12: The Boom Boom Womb
4-16: Family Affair
4-19: Out on a Limb
4-20: Come Home, Oh Sapien
4-22: Black’s Magic
4-23: The Equalizer
4-24: E.R.
5-22: Slip Sliding Away
6-2: The Idiot and the Odyssey
6-3: A Moon for the Misbegotten
6-12: Final Cut
6-13: Heaven’s Skate
6-14: Curtains
6-15: Fairytale Theatre
6-16: Down and Out on Beacon Hill
6-17: Their Town
6-19: Requiem For A Heavyweight
6-21: The Abby Singer Show.

As well, if anyone has any recordings of any Almost Live! episodes from KING 5 from before the format changed to all sketch comedy, I’m very interested. I’m assisting with the episode guide at georgebuford.com and those episodes won’t reair because of the different format or different recording medium, as well the age of the tapes makes KING 5 wary to air them again because they don’t want to risk having them get destroyed when they try playing them back.

The 50 Best and 50 Worst Episodes of SNL

Since the May 7 show with Tina Fey is going to be live show #700, I want to make a list of the 50 best and the 50 worst shows, and post it the day of the live broadcast. I’d love to see everyone’s picks for these. If you can reply to this post or email me your picks (please send to bjdwsmATgmailDOTcom) I will count your submissions in the final rankings. This should be interesting, especially to see if there are any trends with regard to what season the shows are from.

You don’t have to send me a full 50 in your submission but do try to include a good number of shows in your message, and make sure that these are the best of the best and the worst of the worst in your opinion. Rationale will also be considered and the best comments will also make it to the listing of the top and bottom 10.  I will be posting the final results here, as well as on several SNL message boards I frequent.

Deadline for submission is May 5 at 11:59 pm

My iTunes most played list

I’ll be back to the SNL reviews shortly (I’m getting ready to post James Coburn and Bruce Dern and will try to have Elizabeth Ashley finished on the weekend), but in the meantime, I thought I’d post a list of the 25 most frequently played songs on my iTunes.  To be honest, this is not really an accurate list because I’m not including sound clips (otherwise “The Fuck Are You Doing” by Sue Simmons would be at number one), short album tracks of nothingness or clips I made myself (SNL band bumper music, mostly, half of which I don’t even know the titles of).  I saw a friends’ Facebook status that mentioned his two most played songs on his iTunes, and it got me thinking I might as well disclose mine.  The number of plays may not seem like a lot but keep in mind, I do have a ridiculous amount of music on my computer.

The top 25 songs played on my iTunes
1. “Build Me A Bridge” – Adele Bertei (24 plays)
2. “The Boho Dance” – Joni Mitchell (22 plays)
3. (tie) “The Nightfly” – Donald Fagen (20 plays)
3. (tie) “Let The Wind Carry Me” – Joni Mitchell (20 plays)
3. (tie) “Flourescences” – Stereolab (20 plays)
6. (tie) “Games People Play” – The Spinners (19 plays)
6. (tie) “Three Girl Rhumba” – Wire (19 plays)
6. (tie) “The Man Who Sailed Around His Soul” – XTC (19 plays)
9. (tie) “Cold Ethyl” – Alice Cooper (18 plays)
9. (tie) “Backwater” – Brian Eno (18 plays)
9. (tie) “Boys Of Autumn” – David Roberts (18 plays)
9. (tie) “People Gotta Move” – Gino Vannelli (18 plays)
9. (tie) “Nightporter” – Japan (18 plays)
9. (tie) “Barangrill” – Joni Mitchell (18 plays)
9. (tie) “The Rubberband Man” – The Spinners (18 plays)
16. (tie) “By This River” – Brian Eno (17 plays)
16. (tie) “Man of The World” – Fleetwood Mac (17 plays)
16. (tie) “Passing Me By” – The Pharcyde (17 plays)
16. (tie) “She Said” – The Pharcyde (17 plays)
16. (tie) “Seagalls Screaming Kiss Her, Kiss Her” – XTC (17 plays)
21. (tie) “Don’t Interrupt The Sorrow” – Joni Mitchell (16 plays)
21. (tie) “The Beat of Black Wings” – Joni Mitchell (16 plays)
21. (tie) “Eli’s Coming” – Laura Nyro (16 plays)
21. (tie) “Cybelie’s Reverie” – Stereolab (16 plays)
21. (tie) “One Great City” – The Weakerthans (16 plays)

If you read this entry, post your own list in the comments.  Or make fun of mine.

We’ll be right back

The SNL reviews will resume early next week with Tim Curry / Meatloaf as I’m going out of town for the weekend.  In the meantime, have a good long weekend if you’re lucky enough to have Monday off and enjoy yourself…maybe by looking at the 1983 Writers Guild of America beefcake calendar like these two ladies are.

Canadian Songs You Shouldn’t Confuse

“If I Had A Million Dollars” by Barenaked Ladies…

and “If I Had A Rocket Launcher” by Bruce Cockburn

Although the line about Kraft Dinner works either way.

Head Of The Class

I found a bunch of old Head Of The Class tapes. It’s more of a guilty pleasure than anything: the scripts were pretty weak, some of the actors playing students were 30+ years old, and for supposedly smart kids they sure stayed around in high school far too long.  Some of the most cringeworthy aspects to the show were the unironic rat-tail, and later mullet, that Hesseman’s character Mr. Moore had, and I can’t suspend my disbelief long enough to buy that high school students (even an honors program) would have the ability to come up with a video for the time capsule that used state-of-the-art-for-1987 computer effects set to the tune of Timbuk 3′s “The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades” (an exercise in cheese).

Mr. Moore (Howard Hesseman) demonstrates that a mullet on a teacher was actually once socially acceptable in the 1980s.

For a mid-level sitcom shot on tape, though, it was at least decent at least for the first four years.  It did go downhill when Howard Hesseman was replaced by Billy Connolly, mainly because Connolly’s character didn’t so much teach as go on extended comedic tangents (just imagine if they couldn’t find a teacher at a real high school and they just had Craig Ferguson rant for an hour).  I am surprised how many recognizable guest stars I’ve spotted on the show, though, mainly Elaine Stritch, Stephen Root, Roscoe Lee Browne, Lori Petty (Tank Girl), John Cameron Mitchell (Hedwig and the Angry Inch), Kirsten Kemp Becker (then known as Kirsten Holmquist, Property Ladder), and Brad Pitt (tabloids).   They also did a few interesting episodes based around the cast doing a musical theatre production that actually incorporate the “opening night performances” (based on the episodes’ individual writing credits, the shows creators Rich Eustis and Michael Elias were the one that had a thing for musical theatre), and were the first American sitcom to shoot in the Soviet Union, giving what was generally a mid-level sitcom added notability.

Recurring characters Manfred (John Cameron Mitchell) and Monica (Kirsten Holmquist) performing "White Boys" in a style that presages the singing music teachers from SNL

I doubt the show will be heading to DVD season sets anytime soon because music licensing is a big hurdle, at least for the musical episodes, and there likely isn’t a strong enough market for it to justify the cost.  Part of the reason a lot of worse and shorter-lived shows are on DVD is because they can make money back on those (which explains why Small Wonder is actually getting a DVD release).  It wasn’t great by any stretch of the imagination but I am having fun watching my old tapes again as I transfer them to disc (and removing countless ads for 1-809 sex lines that used to run late at night on CKY-Winnipeg, but those are another post).

The students included one of Tony Soprano's mistresses (top row centre), the men responsible for the career of Kenan Thompson (top row left), and the victim of Tobias Funke's glitter basket (bottom row centre).

Celebrity Hungry Hungry Hippos: A Review

I had originally written this as a potential sketch but got bored when actually coming up with dialogue.  I actually think this works better in a review form.  This was originally posted on the message boards at saturday-night-live.com/forum but in case something happens where it’s lost I think I’m better off putting this here. 

Just in case there’s any confusion, this is not a real show.  This does not have the endorsement of any of the actors depicted herein or the FOX network.  Furthermore, I don’t think they would allow the suggestion at the end to be published.

The reality TV phenomena has rightly been blasted for lowering the bar of what is considered entertainment, and it was only a matter of time before it reached yet another nadir. Such new depths were plunged Wednesday night with the premiere of what appeared to be the result of letting a mentally incompetent 6-year-old choose the next cheap unscripted show, FOX’s monstrosity Celebrity Hungry Hungry Hippos.

I’ll admit there was a glimmer of hope that this would not be as painful as what the networks have been subjecting us to lately; unlike many other pointless celebrity competitions, this show’s pool of celebrities are not the same overexposed has-beens who populate every other reality show. In fact, much of the reality genre’s target audience would have a hard time placing the four contestants from the premiere episode, most of them long retired from acting: Jan Smithers (Bailey Quarters, “WKRP”), Sagan Lewis (Dr. Jacqueline Wade, “St. Elsewhere”), Frank Cady (Sam Drucker, “Green Acres”), and the then-young man with the blonde hair who was a frequent extra in the “Mary Tyler Moore” show, whose name the producers of CHHH didn’t even bother to give. Although it was welcome to see some long absent faces again, I have a feeling this lineup was chosen due to a combination of an inability to draw bigger names, called favours, blackmail, bribery, and even kidnapping.

Only the 93-year-old Cady seemed like he genuinely wanted to play, as when introducing himself he remarked that even though he’s worked with Alfred Hitchcock and has costarred in a beloved TV show, his real life’s ambition was to “whoop some behind at Hungry Hungry Hippos”. It was less clear why Smithers and Lewis were playing. Lewis appeared confused and disoriented throughout, at various points denying her resemblance to one of the characters on House and stating that it was her understanding that the contestants would be playing with real hippos. Smithers was for the most part diplomatic, although several times in the show it was apparent she was not too happy with appearing on the show. This became apparent after the host made some insensitive comments regarding her being “the one that wasn’t Loni Anderson” on her old show, and ignorantly asking about her “brother” Waylon. The extra, apparently appearing under duress, made several unsuccessful escape attempts throughout the game.

It would have helped if they found a charming and affable host. Unfortunately, the best the producers could come up with was Dave Coulier. Smithers was the most visibly annoyed at the former “Full House” co-star, at one point threatening him “Watch it, Stamos.” In what had to be the most uncomfortable moment in an entire show of them, Coulier admitted that he wished he was John Stamos, followed by almost 30 seconds of silent staring between all parties. Making matters worse, Coulier evidently had not been briefed on the rules of the game and after the fifth fallacy regarding the game, had to be screamed at by an off-camera voice.

There were myriad other problems with the production. The show was apparently shot with a nonexistant budget on either a poorly lit set or an unfurnished basement (investigations into the matter were inconclusive), with the actual board game resting on a card table with its short leg propped up by a book. In the most egregious example of a lack of planning on their part, the network did not bother to ensure that the game had all the marbles. As the customers were notified of the situation, Cady tried to keep order but Smithers wasted no time in socking Lewis in the jaw, and the extra tried to use the distraction to make a break for it. Whether or not this incident was staged to create conflict is up for debate, but I doubt the producers would have had the talent to properly stage something.

All the ineptitude of the production aside, the gameplay itself was rather dull due to the obvious nature of the strategy, eating the most marbles. If not for the revelation that Cady was cheating at the game (at one point hiding his opponents marbles in his mouth), and Lewis continually consoling her plastic hippo (dubbed “Freckles”) it would have been an otherwise uneventful game; clearly not something with a lot of inherent drama. However, the show continued to invent new levels of awfulness, particularly in the awarding of the game prizes: the main prize (ostensibly to be donated to charity) was a gift certificate for McDonalds, while the runner up received the book propping the game table’s leg up; adding insult to injury this book was Coulier’s unpublished memoir Cut It Out. By this point in the game, Coulier had used his catchphrase so many times Smithers threatened to cut him if he didn’t stop saying it. Even after the threat, Coulier could not resist.

At this point the show descended into chaos: Smithers hit Coulier with the book while Lewis grabbed the hippo from the board and attacked him, screaming “Get ‘im Freckles!” The extra managed to escape, and in the midst of what was happening around him, Cady began shovelling marbles into his pockets. At this point the videotape mercifully cuts out.

Suprisingly, considering the issues regarding the hippo and the table leg, several other episodes have been taped, although I don’t know what FOX would be trying to prove by airing them besides its utter contempt for people with any of the five senses.

If anyone is given the choice of watching this show or shoving their face into a moving propeller, I would suggest they think hard for a minute, then run face first into the blades. It’s a sacrifice I believe the sane would make.

On Michael Jackson

I’d like to add my voice to the din reacting to the death of Michael Jackson.  I don’t get CNN at home but I did manage to catch a few minutes of the incessant coverage.  I have a feeling they will be covering a sensationalistic event like this nonstop, while in the “other news we don’t give a shit about” ticker we’ll see something about bin Laden’s body or the cure for AIDS being found.   It’s just a fact of life in today’s world.

Farrah Fawcett died the same day, but her impending death had been something that was obvious and expected.  Whatever state Jackson was in the past few years, the story came suddenly and out of the blue.  The resulting outpour of grief has been compared to what happened with Elvis Presley and John Lennon.  Lennon was a much more brutal loss considering the sheer awfulness of the circumstances, but Elvis, like Jackson, was this larger than life figure who made a  biggest successes were behind him and in later years became a mess and a clear shadow of his youthful self until his body gave out on a random hot muggy day.  Others have noted the eerie parallels between the two Kings: I wonder if there’s going to be a cottage industry of Michael Jackson impersonators and alleged sightings.

A lot of the discussion of Michael Jackson has to include the bizarre behavior of the second half of his life, particularly the accusations of child molestation.  If he did actually do what a lot of people say he did, there is no excuse.  I’ll have to admit that two scandals ten years apart doesn’t really work out in his favour but ultimately I can’t see Michael Jackson in the same light as someone like Gary Glitter.  There was a bit of a naivite to Michael Jackson: he didn’t really seem to fully comprehend how some of his actions looked to society.  He was pitiful at times.  There were a lot of things in his life that would have contributed to the collapse of his mental state.  In a way the Michael Jackson of Off The Wall and Thriller had already died around 1984.  Not that his later scandals have completely eclipsed his early triumphs, though: I doubt OJ Simpson is going to get the same reaction if he were suddenly to drop dead.

That said, the first thing I thought of when I heard the news was “I wonder what kind of hilariously inappropriate joke Andrew’s going to come up with”.  After David Carradine was found dead, my friend posted that he never knew David Carradine was an INXS/Michael Hutchence fan.  I’ve heard some good ones in the last few days, mainly focusing on his penchant for being surrounded by young boys.  I was then reminded of all the other jokes about him over the past 16 years and whether we can watch them in the same light again, knowing the conclusion to the story.  Stuff like Norm MacDonald’s “Michael Jackson may be a child molester, but he’s no song stealer” bit, the many Clutch Cargo bits on Conan. 

I don’t own any of his music.  But for all his eccentricity his massive, massive contributions to entertainment can’t be ignored.  He was the biggest thing going in the eighties and so many people are familiar with the songs, the videos, the moonwalk that his death has created a void.  Considering that the 25th anniversary edition of an album most everyone already had, by someone who was written off as a wacko, still ended up being the best selling catalog album of 2008 says volumes.  The music industry is so fractured now that someone as big a figure as Michael Jackson was in terms of talent and popularity is just not going to happen.  That he died so suddenly sealed his legend.

When other legendary music figures die, will the reaction be as huge as with Michael Jackson?  There are still people with bigger contributions to the world of music, and there are still big stars, but the chances of a big jolt like this grow smaller as they grow older.  A friend of mine believes that whenever Bob Dylan passes, though his contribution to culture was incalculable  it will be almost anti-climactic because he has become myth ages ago.  But like Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson’s notoriety was so far-reaching and ubiquitous, transcendent of a lot of barriers.  The music industry has become so fractured today that there isn’t anyone like that anymore. 

In the end, though, it’s just another person dead, and despite the media coverage indicating otherwise, there are other things in the world to do.  There are other easy targets for jokes, there is music I prefer listening to over his anyway.

Restatement of Purpose

I apologize for not updating this blog in a while.  I’ve had a few topics I have saved drafts of, and do intend to finish soon.  I’ll be a little more prolific in my posting shortly, but I figure I’d like to run by a few ideas I have for this site:

-I will be completing  a list of my top 75 albums of all time.   I was inspired to complete this by reading a similar list by Melanie.
-Several regular features will be the Soapbox, a forum for me to rant about certain aspects of the entertainment industry; Underrated Song Corner, a place to expose people to songs I feel have been criminally overlooked; and Tens, a top ten list about random pop culture related topics.
-I did begin an abortive attempt to do a review of the week’s live SNL episode: unfortunately, I got derailed when I was out of town for the Zac Efron episode.  I’ll be starting that in earnest next season, but I’ll also be filling the space between with reviews of selected older shows every week the show’s on a break.  As well, every month, I will be doing a spotlight on a particular season of the show. 
-I will also be doing a rewatch series where I go through a show and review episodes in order on a weekly basis.  I still haven’t decided which shows to do yet but I will do several over the course of a week.

I will fill this blog here with more content as the weeks go on, but if there’s anything in the “real” world which prevents me from getting an update done (aside from a lack of motivation), I’ll update as quickly as possible.