Infamously Bad SNL Musical Performances

Last night’s performance by Lana Del Rey on Saturday Night Live got a lot of attention, but it wasn’t exactly what the singer or her label wanted: within minutes of Del Rey’s American television debut, Twitter exploded with biting comments.  One likened her performance to a real-life example of what they were making fun of minutes earlier in a sketch called “You Can Do Anything”, where people who have never been given honest reactions to their lack of talent perform.  But even more tellingly, the likes of Juliette Lewis, Eliza Dushku and Rachel Dratch had pithy zingers of their own directed at Del Rey’s wobbly singing.  One article even surmised this might be a career-killer.  Her second performance in particular reminded me of an obscure Victoria Jackson character from the late 80′s: Nancy Maloney, a lounge singer who goes from high-pitched screeching to a forced deep, husky voice all in the space of a single song.

The last time a musical guest bombed this bad on the ‘SNL’ stage was in April 2010.  Ke$ha performed “Tik Tok” with an American flag cape a bizarre laser show and astronaut-suited backing band, with a pause to ask “Did anyone ever stop to think we were the aliens?”, which seemed an attempt at invoking Robert Plant’s “Does anybody remember laughter?” while just looking even sillier.  Her second number, “Your Love Is My Drug” was even more bizarre, with her and her band covered in day-glo body paint.  I wrote at the time that Ke$ha came off as a half-assed Lady Gaga impersonator: I stand by that assessment.

Some other SNL musical moments of note, for all the wrong reasons:

• Kanye West’s attempt to replicate his autotune album “808s and Heartbreak” on the SNL stage with a giant video screen behind him.  There were a few times when the autotune “glitches” weren’t able to cover West’s weak singing ability, and the whole stage presence felt completely underwhelming.  I actually don’t mind West’s other performances (despite his braggadocio) and actually thought his 2010 performance art style numbers were a bounce back from this one.
• Ashlee Simpson’s appearance in 2004 has been the subject of enough commentary already.  When she was booked on the show, I just thought it was weak to have someone best known for riding the coattails of her more successful older sisters (who by that point was better known for being an airhead on an MTV reality show than any music she put out beforehand).  For a brief moment, Ashlee did eclipse her sister…as the subject of scorn and derision.  Once her second number began with her vocals from the first song playing, while her mic was at hip level, she realized what was going on, did a little jig to save face and then left her band on stage to play out.  The show had to scramble to fill time because her aborted performance threw the timing off that night, and Simpson blamed her gaffe on her band playing the wrong song during the goodnights.  Post-script: Simpson got a do-over performance for her next album a year later to mass indifference.
• Brian Wilson appeared on the show in 1976, during one of his low ebbs.  Overweight, bearded and with hair resembling that of a Fisher-Price man, Wilson was there to promote the Beach Boys’ “comeback” 15 Big Ones, but despite able backing from the SNL band, was not in any shape to perform.  His missing the high notes in “Love Is A Woman” is painful enough to watch even without the tragic biography, but even sadder is a solo piano “Good Vibrations” in a giant sandbox at the end of the show.
• Laura Branigan had a big hit with “Gloria” in 1982, and was booked on the show in December of that year.  Unfortunately, it seems she was under the weather that weekend because her voice was shot.  She resorts to speak-singing for much of the song, but at one point her voice gives out and squeaks a high note.
• Spice Girls received much criticism when they performed “Wannabe” and “Say You’ll Be There” in 1997: their vocal performances left much to be desired, but their dance moves bordered along the territory of the Juul Haalmeyer Dancers from SCTV, without the intentional comedy.
• Backstreet Boys’ appearance in March 1998 had a dance break where with the Boys doing this bit of choreography with folding chairs.  Even watching this with the benefit of hindsight and a bit of distance from when they were all over the radio playlists, it wasn’t a very good performance to begin with, but the chair dance just made it look stupid.
• The Go-Gos’ appearance in 1981 was completely flimsy, slippy and lethargic at the same time.  Belinda Carlisle has admitted in her autobiography that this is due to being coked and boozed up that particular night, even going so far as calling it the worst performance the band ever did.

Much has already been written about Sinead O’Connor’s well-intentioned but overly-strident protest of Catholic sex abuse at the end of her performance of “War”, and Rage Against The Machine being tossed out of the studio for hanging down an upside-down flag on their amps (which was torn down before showtime) but I didn’t really find too much fault with those performances.

Anyone who has their own nominees for infamously bad SNL performances, please leave a detailed comment.

Classic SNL Review: November 22, 1980: Malcolm McDowell / Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band (S06E02)

RATING SYSTEM:
***** – Classic
****   – Great
***     – Good / Average
**       – Meh
*         – Bad

COLD OPENING: EXECUTION
-A remorseful condemned man (Gilbert Gottfried) is lead to the electric chair.  His mother (Denny Dillon) is allowed one last word for him: “Sit up straight!”.
-The audience was completely silent for this.  At best a lame blackout bit, but the way it was performed in the lead-up to the punchline was far too real and grim for it to work, particularly Gottfried remorsefully saying “I’m sorry, Father” over and over again.
-Where was this performed?  It doesn’t look like it was done inside the studio or even the halls outside of  8H.
*

MONOLOGUE
-Malcolm McDowell explains his difficulties getting a new work permit almost stopped him from hosting tonight’s show.
-This is pretty much a straightforward “talk” monologue.  A lot of people take issue with the story not really being humorous in any way but it seems like your typical early years “introduction” monologue without a comedy routine.
-Of note is that McDowell mentions his marriage to an American woman and that he’s about to become the proud father of an American baby.  The “American woman” in question is Mary Steenburgen, whom McDowell was married to from 1980 to 1990.  Their baby Lilly would be born January 31 of the next year, while younger son Charlie, born two years later, would later go on to create the blog/Twitter feed Dear Girls Above Me.
**

SHOW: MUTUALLY OMAHA’S WILD KINGDOM
-Marlin Perkins (Charles Rocket) narrates “In Search Of The Negro Republican”, in which Jim Fowler (Joe Piscopo) infiltrates a cocktail party.
-Written by Barry W. Blaustein and David Sheffield.
-Not particularly funny, but an amusing concept with OK execution and a few chuckles here and there, particularly the false alarm where a potential Republican is merely the owner of a funeral home.
-Rocket shows that he’s not really an impressionist with Marlin Perkins, something that becomes more evident as the season goes on.
-This sketch is notable for being the SNL debut of future featured player and cast member Eddie Murphy, seen here as just a lowly extra.  Also visible are other eventual featured players Yvonne Hudson, a bit player from the previous few seasons, and Matthew Laurance, twin brother of former SNL staffer and future “Not Necessarily The News” cast member Mitchell Laurance (incidentally, SNL ’80 writers Larry Arnstein and David Hurwitz would eventually write for NNTN).
-The main role of the “negro Republican” was played by an unidentified middle-aged day player.  He wasn’t that great with delivering the lines, though.  If anyone can identify the actor or any other extras I have missed, please leave a comment.
**1/2

COMMERCIAL: TOBACCO GROWER’S ASSOCIATION
-Joseph Richman (Gilbert Gottfried) says that lungs are the reason people get lung cancer, not cigarettes.
-The first segment that was actually funny in tonight’s show, largely thanks to Gilbert Gottfried’s slow-burn as the oily Tobacco representative.  He’s still a little green as a performer here and doesn’t fully come off as comfortable in front of the camera first, but you definitely see the hints of what was to come in his career.
-I enjoyed Gottfried accusing the lung of intentionally trapping cigarette smoke and chiding it for not being able to get rid of smoke like his 7-year-old daughter’s fan can.  I also chuckled at the “persons without lungs need not worry” line when the lung was going to be recalled.
-There’s a blooper at the very beginning where Jan & Dean’s “Surf City” (for the next sketch’s opening title) starts playing for a few seconds before shutting off.  The Comedy Central 60-minute edit cuts this out.
***1/2

SKETCH: SERF CITY
-In feudal times, Lord Jack (Charles Rocket) shows an Earl (Malcolm McDowell) a new way to abuse peasants: stand on their backs and ride them while wenches (Gail Matthius and Ann Risley) tickle them with feathers.
-A pun-filled sketch that didn’t get as many laughs as it wanted to.  In fact, the first thing people laughed at were the names of the sexy wenches: Bingo and Moondoggy.  McDowell was largely used for setups while Rocket got the “laugh” lines.
-The ending where Rocket rejects McDowell’s idea of riding actual waves felt like a pale imitation of Franken & Davis’  Theodoric of York.  I did chuckle slightly at the serfs groaning “oh no…” off-camera.
-Any idea who was playing the serfs?  Neil Levy’s one of them.  Can’t place the other two.
*1/2

SKETCH: ADOPTED AMY CARTER
-Amy Carter (Denny Dillon) prefers being raised in privilege by new parents Ronald (Charles Rocket) and Nancy Reagan (Gail Matthius).
-The audience woke up for this one and relatively speaking, one of the stronger moments in tonight’s show.   A little cute, but the audience got a kick out of little Amy’s hatred for grits and calling her grandmother a dope and her parents losers.
-My favorite bit was a call-back to Amy saying she hates riding the bus earlier in the sketch: when she hides under the table when her parents call, she yells “Tell them I rode the bus!”  I also liked the look Rocket shot Dillon when she has the line about wearing make-up like him.
-Not everything works, though.  They seemed to be reaching with the “Uncle Bert was indicted!” (Bert Lance scandal in 1977) and “Uncle Hamilton eats powdered donuts!” (a reference to the alleged cocaine use of Hamilton Jordan).
-Charles Rocket and Gail Matthius debut their Ronald and Nancy Reagan impressions.  Rocket doesn’t wear a Reagan wig this time out and appears to be wearing a minimal bit of old man makeup, while talking in a gravelly voice.  Matthius speaks slowly and exaggeratedly.  Dillon does her exaggerated Amy Carter but it brings the energy level of the sketch up, and she’s at least giving an effort.
-This is the last time we see Gail Matthius all night, and her only appearance in the show aside from playing a wench in Serf City.  She’s also visibly glancing at the cue cards quite a bit when reading her lines, which is particularly noticeable at the beginning when she’s sitting at the table across from Rocket.
-The extra who played the negro Republican plays Buster, the Reagans’ servant in this sketch.
***

COMMERCIAL: AMERICAN MILK ASSOCIATION
-Alex De Large (Malcolm McDowell) endorses the stimulation and nutritional value of Moloko Plus.
-This gets a little recognition applause for McDowell in his Clockwork Orange getup, but the whole thing doesn’t come off as well as the idea had the potential to be, and is awkward more than anything else.
-Apparently, the inspiration for this bit was McDowell being offered a half-million to reprise Alex for a milk commercial in Japan (which he turned down).
**

SHORT SHOT: “SHOWDOWN” – KEN FRIEDMAN
-Ned and Sam vie for the affections of Rose with a ultraviolent Peckinpah-esque gun battle.
-Not quite on the level of last week’s film, but an amusing diversion.  The main humor comes from the excessive violence and carnage (complete with slow-mo at one point, definitely a nod to The Wild Bunch) as well as the way the bloodied cowboys nonchalantly walk away from it all when they realize they’re fighting over nothing.
**1/2

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE: “HOT HEAD” – CAPTAIN BEEFHEART & THE MAGIC BAND
-Captain Beefheart’s definitely an acquired taste, but his later stuff is a little easier to get into than Trout Mask Replica.  It’s almost kind of this minimalistic punkish music with a really interesting rhythm.  Actually, almost like a weird square dance.
-You can hear Beefheart’s influence on Tom Waits’ post-Swordfishtrombones output.
-The moment that sticks out is when the guitar starts playing its usual line after Beefheart’s verse only to be drowned out by this high-pitched note from Eric Drew Feldman’s keyboard (Mellotron?)
-You can see people going up the stairs through the window behind Feldman.
-Captain Beefheart was 39 when he appeared on SNL but looks much older; if you see pictures of him from about 10 years earlier it’s even more obvious.  He also appeared to be in the early stages of multiple sclerosis at this time.
-The live show has a brief second after the song ends before the applause starts.  The Comedy Central 60-minute version dubs canned applause over the tail end of the performance.

WEEKEND UPDATE WITH CHARLES ROCKET
-Best joke: Iranian earrings
-Wow, Charles is really having a bad night.  A few line flubs here, but that’s nothing compared to the number of jokes that meet no response from the audience, including the very first one about the Las Vegas fire escapes, or elicit groans, such as the Bob Hope comment on Mary Crosby being the one that shot J.R. or the reactionary violence being a return to “traditional values and morality”.
-The interview with John Lennon (Malcolm McDowell) and Yoko Ono (Denny Dillon) is enjoyable.  Despite Dillon being miscast as Yoko, this had some funny lines (yes, even “Yoko is just loco about my cocoa”) and Lennon’s overdomesticated obsessions with clean dishes and finding a fabric softener that shows his family he loves them.
-My favorite little detail was Yoko pouring the cocoa over the burnt cake Lennon was upset about.
-Apparently the real John and Yoko saw this and got a kick out of it.  According to an interview, McDowell had felt bad for doing the sketch so close to Lennon’s murder but after hearing years later the Lennons enjoyed it, he felt better about it.
-Joe Piscopo gets his first Saturday Night Live Sports feature on Weekend Update.  His delivery is still low-key but he’s starting to get into his usual rhythm.
-Here he comments on the upcoming WBC welterweight championship rematch between Roberto Duran and Sugar Ray Leonard (what would eventually be known as the “No Mas Fight”) using Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots.
-The audience is more awake for this segment, and it’s starting to become clear that while Rocket is the one being groomed for stardom, Piscopo is starting to emerge as the audience favorite.
-Dr. Murray Abramowitz (Gilbert Gottfried) complains about the poorer taste material from last week’s episode in an editorial reply, and suggests SNL’s cast, writers and crew need analysis.  This was not a wise move on the show’s part: by doing this self-deprecating stuff so early when the cast hasn’t really done much to distinguish itself aside from getting negative press, this seems to be giving them the message “you’re right!”  It reminds me of something Kate Beaton (the history comics artist) said about how you can’t really develop a following if you don’t stand behind your own work.
-I did chuckle at “Who writes this show, Hitler?” (in response to all the Jewish jokes in last week’s show).
-Gottfried’s voice in this bit sounds a little like Jerry Seinfeld with a little bit of an exaggerated accent.
**

SKETCH: GOTHIC ROMANCE NOVEL SHOP
-A discerning customer (Ann Risley) hopes the shopkeeper (Malcolm McDowell) fills her precise request for a romance novel.
-Somewhat Pythonesque sketch, and McDowell handled the laundry list variations on Risley’s requests well.  The dialogue seemed better than average too.  Shame the audience was so quiet.  Risley does not seem to do a bad job in this sketch either, which is her only appearance besides Serf City.
-The ending, with McDowell emerging as the hero of Risley’s ideal romance novel is a little cute for my taste but it works.
***1/2

FILM: THE 100 YEARS WAR
-A university extension course barely summarizes the conflict between the houses of Valois and Plantagenet.
-Fillerish, to be honest.  I can see what they were going for, but like “American Milk Association”, the execution didn’t really come anywhere close to the potential of the idea.
**
SHOW: THE LEATHER WEATHER REPORT
-Dominatrix Thelma Thunder (Denny Dillon) gives a BDSM-themed weather forecast with her masochistic weather map John (Charles Rocket).
-Ferris Butler originally wrote this sketch for his Manhattan cable show “Waste Meat News” in 1978 and rewrote it for SNL with Billy Brown and Mel Green.
-This sketch gets a bad reputation and is often used as the example of SNL ’80′s tendency to lean on shock and raunch for laughs.  It’s an easy target, though, and it’s nowhere the comedy abyss as everyone makes it out to be.
-Dillon seems to be really making the most out of her role and recovers nicely from the aerosol can “snow” malfunction”.  I did also like some of Charles’ comments.
-A lot of you are going to thinking I’m being generous with the ratings but while it’s not amazing (more notable for the subject matter than anything), it does succeed at what it aims to do.
***

SKETCH: COMMIE HUNTING SEASON
-In Greensboro, NC, the local redneck population is ready to get going on the first big Commie hunt in 20 years.
-According to Ferris Butler, this was Larry Arnstein and David Hurwitz’s sketch.
-Now this is just awful.  Likely the worst sketch of all time.  This was supposed to be a comment on the acquittal of the defendants in the Greensboro massacre, but it just fails on so many levels, and it ends up being more of a despicable comedy void than the Leather Weather Report was made out to be.   Once you know exactly what they were trying to do, it makes the sketch that much worse.
-This also has the single worst line in an SNL sketch ever: “All’s you got to do is shoot a Jew or [n-word].  Chances are, you’ll be getting a Commie anyway!”.  That line completely killed the sketch and there’s an eerie silence afterward as if they were waiting for an audience to laugh.  The darker than normal lighting doesn’t help.
-Any idea who any of the extras aside from Andy Murphy are?
-I rate this one star because no stars is no rating, and my system is exclusively one-to-five star.  It barely qualifies as one star.
*

FILM: THE ROCKET REPORT – 5th AVENUE
-Charles Rocket spontaneously talks to passers-by on 5th Avenue.
-The best part of what has turned out to be an awful show so far, and after a piece of shit like Commie Hunting Season provided much-needed laughs.
-I think this works so well because the show takes the opportunity of being in New York and working with Charles Rocket’s real strength with off-the-cuff, unrehearsed interactions, rather than shoehorning him into a faux-Chevy Chase role or having him do a bunch of impressions.
-Best moment: the older man who Rocket assumes is on drugs because he’s so happy.
****

SKETCH: JACK THE STRIPPER
-Dotty old prude Dame Lydia Snoot (Malcolm McDowell) and Dr. Woofta (Denny Dillon) investigate a wave of embarrassment caused by “Jack The Stripper”.
-Another terrible sketch.  Hill and Weingrad referred to it as the worst thing the show had done in their book Saturday Night, but this is a little better than Commie Hunting Season in that there’s a few ideas that could have worked if they were executed better.  As it was, though, it came off as a indecipherable mess and was still ultimately terrible.
-Joe Piscopo as “Carl Gustav The Stripper” (complete with cartoony Swedish accent) was so bad it was almost funny, but the reveal with the real Stripper being Prince Charles (Charles Rocket) just didn’t play well.
*

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE: “ASHTRAY HEART” – CAPTAIN BEEFHEART & THE MAGIC BAND
-A little more abrasive and complicated than the other song, but interesting nonetheless.
-Through the window behind Feldman, McDowell can be seen running up the stairs and opening a little door in the side of the stage.  You can also see a few other people run up (stage manager?).
-After Beefheart’s free jazz sax solo at the end, there’s dead silence for a few seconds before someone (Radames Pera according to this site) quite clearly yells “shit!”

FILM: “SOMEONE IS HIDING IN MY APARTMENT” – MITCHELL KRIEGMAN
-Mitchell tells of the weird goings-on that have convinced him there’s someone else in his apartment.
-Nothing great, but not offensive.  A gentler piece to cleanse the palate that succeeds at what it aims for.  Shame Kriegman didn’t last long at the show.
***

SHOW: THE WINE CELLAR
-Carolyn Parker (Denny Dillon) takes aim at the wine snobs by showing some foods work better with American wines.
-Far from brilliant, and the joke was done better with SCTV’s Don Perignon (The Beer Of Champagne) commercial parody three years before, but for what it is it’s alright.
-Denny at least brought a little energy to the proceedings, and it at least ends the show on a lighter note.
***

GOODNIGHTS
-Malcolm McDowell delivers his goodnight in a southern drawl.
-Don Pardo announces that two weeks from tonight, Ellen Burstyn will host with musical guest Aretha Franklin, and next week, “Roadshow” with John Candy and Tom Waits will appear in the SNL timeslot.  Apparently this was a pilot for a new show.  There’s a review available here.
-[Addendum: this is the final show for writers Sean Kelly and Nancy Dowd.  The backstage shakeups begin...] 

Final Summary:
Bad.  This episode is widely considered one of SNL’s all-time worst shows, and is easily the nadir of the season.  Dreck like Commie Hunting Season, Execution, Jack The Stripper and a mostly laugh-free Weekend Update weighed down a show that obscured the odd highlight here and there like some dense, joy-sucking substance.  It’s bad enough when a show has awful to mediocre material to begin with but this one actually seems to have a depressing aura about it.  It’s unfortunate, though, because had they had a stronger second outing, the critics and fans might not have been so quick to write them off.   As it was, this show only made the rest of the season more of an uphill battle.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:
-The Rocket Report
-Tobacco Grower’s Association
-Gothic Romance Novel Shop

EPISODE LOWLIGHTS:
-Commie Hunting Season
-Jack The Stripper
-Execution
-Weekend Update aside from Lennons and Piscopo
-Serf City
-Monologue
-100 Years War

MVP:
Denny Dillon

CAST & GUEST BREAKDOWN:
Denny Dillon: 6 appearances [Execution, Adopted Amy Carter, Weekend Update, Leather Weather Report, Jack The Stripper, The Wine Cellar]
Gilbert Gottfried: 5 appearances [Execution, Tobacco Grower's Association, Weekend Update, Commie Hunting Season, Jack The Stripper]
Gail Matthius: 2 appearances [Serf City, Adopted Amy Carter]
Joe Piscopo: 5 appearances [Execution, Mutually Omaha's Wild Kingdom, Weekend Update, Commie Hunting Season, Jack The Stripper]
Ann Risley: 2 appearances [Serf City, Gothic Romance Novel Shop]
Charles Rocket: 9 appearances [Execution, Mutually Omaha's Wild Kingdom, Serf City, Adopted Amy Carter, Weekend Update, Leather Weather Report, Commie Hunting Season, The Rocket Report, Jack The Stripper]

confirmed non-cast:
Yvonne Hudson: 1 appearance [Mutually Omaha's Wild Kingdom]
Mitchell Kriegman: 1 appearance [Someone Is Hiding In My Apartment]
Matthew Laurance: 1 appearance [Mutually Omaha's Wild Kingdom]
Neil Levy: 1 appearance [Serf City]
Andy Murphy: 2 appearances [Execution, Commie Hunting Season]
Eddie Murphy: 1 appearance [Mutually Omaha's Wild Kingdom]

guests:
Malcolm McDowell: 7 appearances [Monologue, Serf City, American Milk Association, Weekend Update, Gothic Romance Novel Shop, Commie Hunting Season, Jack The Stripper], 1 voice-over [The 100 Years War]
Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band: 2 appearances ["Hot Head", "Ashtray Heart"]

REBROADCAST HISTORY:
This episode was not rebroadcast on NBC.

Additional screen captures not seen above are available here